Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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