i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
