I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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