The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
