I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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