The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The ass gains better be worth it
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