Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
