rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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