Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
