You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
