I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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