Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
