So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
