well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
