shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
