i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
