Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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