This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
foreskin is a definite game changer
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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