dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
