I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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