I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
