for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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