when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
