Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
