This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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