Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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