Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
