I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Randomize
