when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
