I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
