I can text with my tongue
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
