Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
