I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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