I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
