How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
