K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
