Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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