You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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