What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Alive.
So much puke
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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