Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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