How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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