This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
