he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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