so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
