I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
