Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
