How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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