she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
