Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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