Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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